Sea of lights: A Snily Fanfic
by Girl Q
Summary: Severus Snape could never forget about Lily Evans, so when he receives an invitation to go to her and James Potters wedding he can t refuse. Severus POV. Letting go of your first love is one of the hardest things you can do in life.


_Lily and James Potters wedding. Severus Snape POV_

It was bright and hundreds of little lanterns were decorating the festive hall. The tables were beautifully decorated with white tablecloths and bouquets of branches and lily's. The air vibrated with euphoria as the invited guests twirled around the room laughing and dancing. The four Good-for-nothings were at the bar already drunk, playfully hitting each other, and loudly proclaiming how James was off the market now and therefore not eligible for their drinking nights anymore.

The scenery was one of a kind but like always Severus wasn´t a part of it. Like always he was in the corner and watching. Like it had been the way his entire life. The invitation came two months ago and the reading of the letter was accompanied by a whiskey from his liquor cabinet. The words "Miss Evans and Mister Potter are very happy to invite you to their wedding" were worse than every poison he ever created. Lily. His Lily. The first friend he ever made. The only person he ever loved. She had looked radiant during the ceremony. Her dress was beautiful in a white eggshell colour with a lace top. Her hair was held together with a hair clip that screamed heirloom. From Potters family he presumed.

Right now the newly wedded Lily Potter, the name tasted like acid on his tongue, was laughing and sharing some anecdotes with the equally newlywed Longbottom's. His eyes had followed her through the room the entire evening and it had hurt him more than he had expected to watch the ceremony and to watch her bind herself to that guy forever. She looked the happiest he had ever seen her, but he had never felt more miserable.

Severus looked down on his glass wishing he could drown himself in the bubbly champagne but instead he lifted the glass and emptied it. Already feeling a little tipsy his eyes wandered over the hall again. Lights, laughter and the piercing lily bouquets all faded into one sea of colours.

"Hello Severus. I didn´t expect seeing you here."

Dressed in a purple robe with little crescent moons Albus Dumbledore appeared. Severus hadn´t seen the old man since his graduation and he could´ve done well with that being their last meeting.

"Headmaster", pressed Severus through his gritted teeth and gave Dumbledore a cold nod.

"I did not expect to see you here at this celebration", he paused staring deep into Severus eyes before continuing, and „I heard you had different interests now."

The word "different" hung like a bad omen between them. Both parties knew what the old man was implying but neither spoke directly of the rumours that surrounded Severus and many of his acquaintances, neither spoke the name of the man, who shall not be named.

Calmly Severus replied, ignoring the wizard's implication.

"The new Misses Potter and I happen to be old friends."

"Oh yes I remember. I remember you two. The little Gryffindor girl and Slytherin boy. You used to be inseparable in your first year at Hogwarts."

Severus stayed quiet leaving Dumbledore's comment unanswered.

His eyes moved to Lily again. She and Potter had just cut the cake under the roaring applause of their many drunk friends.

What was he even doing here? The whole evening had been terrible for him.

He put his glass on a nearby table and turned to the headmaster again.

"I´m afraid I have to leave now. I have other more pressing matters to attend."

Dumbledore softly nodded.

"I understand. This ceremony must be hard for you."

When Severus didn´t reply yet again Dumbledore smiled and finally let him go from the uncomfortable conversation.

"Well I´ll send you on your way then."

Snape nodded and turned around to the exit, which was close by. He was already half out of the door, when he hear Dumbledore say quietly: "Remember Severus. There are always other ways. This doesn´t have to be it."

Severus briefly stopped not knowing if he meant this ceremony and the fact that the only woman he ever loved married an arrogant coward or something different, but after his brief moment of hesitation he shook the thoughts of and rushed outside, his pitch-black coat floating around him.

Finally outside he lifted his head into the cold night air and let it calm his heated face. He shouldn´t have come. His invitation had probably been nothing more than a pity invite from Lily or a symbol of mockery from Potter. The perfect James and Lily Potter. It was disgusting.

It was now really time to leave, but as he tried to remember the way back to the portkey a smaller hand touched his right shoulder. Surprised, as he hadn´t heard anyone coming, he turned around to see, who had disturbed his moment of peace, but immediately all of his anger flew away, and was replaced with a feeling of pure melancholy and sadness.

"Lily", he whispered.

A few of her red locks had freed themselves from the hair clip and now framed her smiling face.

"You are already leaving Severus? I didn´t even get a chance to greet you yet."

His knees got weak as it had been a sheer eternity since he had heard her voice say his name.

"I didn´t want to disturb you on your special day."

Lily's smile faded and turned into a confused frown, having noticed the distasteful tone in which her childhood friend spoke.

"Well of course you could´ve disturbed me. I invited you. I wanted you here on this day."

She wanted him. The words hurt him. So much. It´s the words he always wanted to hear. That she wanted him and needed him and at one point she did, but Severus knew that it wasn´t like that anymore.

Severus coldly replied, "Your husband probably didn´t."

Lily sighed in frustration. "Still Severus? It has been years. We are all different now. James is different now. Can´t you let the past stay the past?"

"I don´t think that will be a possibility given the circumstances."

Lily´s eyes quickly filled with sadness looking to the side, avoiding her former best friends gaze.

Severus felt some sort of satisfaction saying those words and for once not giving Lily what she wanted to hear, so he drove it even further.

"And I can´t believe you could. Don´t you remember it Lily?"

With a mix of annoyance and shock in her face she looked up, but all emotions soon left her delicate features and transformed into a cold mask.

"I care about you Severus. I really do and that´s why I invited you to my wedding, but I ask you to keep such comments for yourself. He is my husband. I took his name. I love him and I will not stand here listening to you insulting him." She folded her two pale hands. "Maybe you should really leave Severus."

Surprisingly Severus smirked.

"Maybe I should."

"You find this funny?"

That was not the case for Severus at all, but he just finally got it.

"No Lily dear", he said suddenly softly, „I just realized that this is the end."

"What?"

Severus sadly looked at the girl he had loved for more than half of his life.

"Lily I will always care for you. You will always be the girl…" his voice was slightly shaking as he spoke the words he had kept inside for so long,"… the girl I love and maybe in another world I could´ve put my personal beliefs and traumas aside and support you. Maybe in another world I would´ve devoted my love to you, because I don´t think you know how deeply I care about you, but this is the point in our lives in this world in which our paths will separate…."

"LILY!" James Potter had suddenly appeared at the door and he was clearly very drunk. He could barely walk, seemingly tripping over his own feet. "What are you here talking to Sniffelus my wife? Come back inside and let's dance." Attempting to show a dance movement James fell to the ground, but quickly got up again holding out a hand in Lily´s direction.

Lily was obviously embarrassed, turning bright red like she used to in class, when she got in transfiguration wrong.

Snape examined the drunk Potter like he would a lab rat. James had lost his tie and was clearly a poor drunk as he seemed to have acquired the grace of a baby giraffe on roller blades and his face was full of uneven red spots.

Lily walked a few steps towards her husband and got her husband to go back inside promising to return in a few minutes. Alone again Severus softly touched her elbow trying to regain her attention.

"Go to him Lily."

"What? But…."

Peaceful he kindly looked into her eyes. "I will leave now."

"Severus…"

"Good bye Lily."

He bowed down kissing his love on the cheek. For the last time.

Severus took one last look at Lily. Pale, her big green eyes looking up to him, red hair strands falling around her face, with a white dress on a dark street. Then he turned around and started to leave.

"Wait Severus."

He turned back to her. Seeing her running to him, tears in her eyes.

"I understand Sev. I do."

Crying she wrapped her arms around him pulling him into a hug. They desperately held onto each other. One last time

"I´m so sorry I can´t give you the love you are looking for", she said her face buried in his coat. "Please try to be happy. Thank you…" her voice was shaking, „thank you for showing me the magic. For changing my life forever. I´m so grateful. I hope you don´t regret that."

"I don´t. I would always do it again. Always Lily. Always." he whispered

After a few more minutes he let her go and left. He left the only woman he would ever love behind and walked away from the light.

The end of story.


End file.
